I should have suspected

Years ago, I was very naive... and unaware afraid of my true feelings...

I was 19, I was stationed at Fort Lewis, Washington and my best friends were Dennis and Gaylord.

I would go home to San Jose, on leave about twice a year... and spent time with my old church gang...

While I was home on one of these trips, I met a young woman named T... She was 17 years old and still in High School....

I had a white Bonneville convertible (Pontiac) and I had gained few pounds (so I was no longer skinny as a pole) and I guess a good catch.

Anyway we started dating and she ended up coming up to Fort Lewis for a couple of months...

Anyway, I was a virgin, she was a virgin...and one thing led to another...

But the reality was...

I am Gay,

I always was gay...

the only way I could have sex with her...

was...

to think about him... Dennis...



He looked like this, his body was shaped like this, he took off his shirt a lot, he smiled and joked and loved the entire world.

I never told him.. that it was him I was thinking about all nights, while I was in his bed...

you see...

Dennis and his wife moved into their kid's bedroom while I and "T" stayed in "HIS" bed...

for two months... I slept in his bed and then went to work with him each day... (we were both in the army and in the same 4 man squad).

.


While with my second girlfriend... I turned my head to look at some guys butt and wrecked my car....

I decided...

I couldn't pretend anymore...

It was too much... like brokeback mountain...